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Writer's pictureTara Lea Seabolt Fox

One Blue October

Jeshua Williams went to Jesuit High School in New Orleans, Louisiana. Summer school and we were in the same math class because it wasn't offered to the female sister school. I was forced to tutor him and he repeadly forced himself on me. He has a blood fetish.

I reported him and all he was forced to do was enlist in the army.

I was in group therapy when he showed up unannounced. I had written a poem about the abuse. And later wrote the music. Here is the poem as close as I can remember.

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't loose my head.

They crawl in like a cockroach leaving memories instead.

Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I am alone.

Playing movies in my head that make your pornos feel like home.

You never doubted my options on your suicidal rage.

And make me compliment myself when it is too hard to fake.

So I'll fly so very far away that you never cross my mind.

And you'll do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me alone.

I HATE YOU TODAY.

I'LL HATE YOU TOMORROW.

I HATE YOU FOR ALL THE THINGS YOU DID TO ME.

I HATE YOU IN WAYS, WAYS HARD TO SWOLLOW.

I HATE YOU SO I CAN FINALLY SEE WHAT IS GOOD FOR ME.

In your sick way you thank me for holding your "head" up late at night.

While I was busy waging wars on the world, you were learning not to bite.

And like a baby boy, you'll never be a man.

When you held my face in your hands and heard my blue eyes cry.

And then I found out how to make you go away.

"Just make a smile come back now, just how it used to."

And then I whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Close enough a hole. Denied rights to my music and lyrics forever. You predator rapists.

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